So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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