She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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