The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
