she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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