do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
