She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
