Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
