Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
