I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
