in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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