Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
