you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
