its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
