ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
