Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
