Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
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