I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
