I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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