Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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