I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
