A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
