Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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