Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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