My first STD was from a foam party
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
