Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
