Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
