You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think people are normalizing furries
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
