Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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