I could have mohawked her pubes.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
