if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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