you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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