His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
