Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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