I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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