My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
