to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
