just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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