Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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