this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
