i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
