If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
