a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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