Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
