I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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