your room smells of hookers.
And success
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
