Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
