Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
