I feel like abortions should bother me more
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
