quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
