I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
