Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
