All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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